Confused Americans for Truth
A Conservative Cat Web Page
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| Artist in Residence | Barb has been employed as a Data Technician at a local pharmacy since age 12. Her dream is to be a computer programmer just like her father (except for the part about getting fired all the time). Her hobby is fantasy fiction, and she has invented several fantasy worlds, all of which make more sense than this one. Occasionally, she lets us publish one of her drawings. | |
| Webmaster | Bruce is a father of five children, one of whom is the girl who feeds me. In his spare time, he works as a computer programmer. Bruce is almost 50 years old, but he still has only a vague idea of how the world works. That's why he needs my advice. | |
| New Media Culture Critic | Nate has spent large portions of the past six years studying Flash animation and other new types of entertainment media on the Internet. Given almost any situation, he can tell you the URL of a web site with a funny cartoon about it. Hiring him to write about new media is our way to get him to stop talking about it. | |
| Liberal Commentator | The Interloper is a huge blurry lump of fur filled with sharp bits. Her previous owner gave her to my family in December of 2004. It's my theory they did so out of a sense of self-preservation. Her favorite thing in the world is hanging out with Peg-Eye Nate while he does his homework. I encourage this relationship because it allows me to wander the rest of the house without fear. I don't agree with the Interloper's political opinions, but I do agree with her policy of not trying to kill me if I let her post articles here. |
If you are interested in becoming an author, send me an EMAIL (ferdy@conservativecat.com) including the text of an article you'd like to post here.
Confused Americans for Truth is a newly-forming political action group for people who understand on a deep level that quite frankly, most of us have no idea what to believe any more.
This is not a problem for cats. We spend most of our lives knowing there's a big world out there that makes no sense at all. For example, it's okay to sharpen your claws on trees, which are complicated biological organisms that take years to develop, but it's not okay to sharpen your claws on a chair, which is a simple inanimate object that can be manufactured in a few hours. Once you've grasped this simple truth, it's a pretty short step to the feeling that you have no idea what's really going on.
I think humans have so much difficulty with this because they have all sorts of weird, convoluted needs. If I have a steady source of food and a roof over my head, anything else is a bonus. Humans, however, need to be loved, need to feel safe, and most important of all, need to know they can watch whatever they want on television. (I know how your species thinks, and you're thinking that's a joke, but it isn't. Just ask yourself: in the past month, how many times have you argued with somebody about nuclear proliferation and how many times have you argued about what to watch on TV? I thought so.)
Anyway, what this society needs is more humans willing to admit that yes, they are CONFUSED. I mean, look at cats. Have you ever seen an unhappy cat? Of course not! And why are cats a uniformly happy species? Because we're not afraid to admit that we're confused! My pet human is a master at this. Even so simple a task as buying a pair of pants confuses him, so he never has to buy his own clothes. This makes him a lot happier than other guys who spend hours trying to remember what the heck the difference is between relaxed fit and easy fit.
It may look like I'm sleeping, but actually I'm protecting my house against South American carpenter ants. Since I started living here, not a single South American carpenter ant has come into the house. |
One of the biggest problems we have in modern politics is that we demand that our leaders be experts on absolutely everything. When one of them makes a simple mistake they are subjected to ridicule for weeks. Worse, if they do something really stupid, they feel compelled to cover it up until it snowballs into a national crisis. Imagine how much heartache the United States could have avoided if Bill Clinton had been willing to say, "I'm sorry about the whole Monica Lewinski thing, but I've cheated with so many women I can't keep them straight." I'm sure everyone would have believed it and the whole impeachment thing could have been bypassed entirely.
Anyway, we here at Confused Americans for Truth want you to cast off the shackles of rationalism! If you have no idea which is the better candidate for Deputy Water Works Inspector, go ahead and LEAVE THE BALLOT BLANK! If you don't know how to win the war on terror, tell the Gallup people that YOU DON'T KNOW. When somebody asks you for directions and you're lost, tell them YOU'RE CLUELESS. And if somebody asks you the difference between relaxed fit and easy fit pants, say "I HAVE NO IDEA AND I'M PROUD OF IT!"
All original content on this site is copyright © 2004 by Confused Americans for Truth. All rights reserved. Permission to reproduce is granted for purposes of review and comment only, and only with proper attribution.
